Music for thought and soul

Powerful and touching, music can express so much more of the mind than words can be put to mouth. My youth is traceable back to each moment in history with specific songs. The representation of the mood, the smell, the light, the feel and the energy is all there with just the combination of tunes and text.

The songs that I listened and the energy that they now give me when thinking back to dark and light memories of the past is overwhelmingly accurate to the scenes that were so long ago. My music genres go back and forth through many different settings and therefore I want to hint back to what shaped me and gave me strength or courage in moments of doubt

Punk-ish top songs

Emotionless-Good Charlotte
Emotionless is a song that still hits me. The visualization goes back to a bedroom of a guy I was dating. Dark, filled with posters, stuffy air, messy sheets and snacks in a cage. The usual smoke was around and the feeling of freedom was elevated out of us do to the smoke… he told me that his father left him when he was younger and this song described each and every feeling in his body towards the situation. How amazing unique each family is and how not perfect life is, as seen on tv. Why do we then feel the need to pretend and not just be?

History-Funeral for a Friend
Always hanging around the computer, chatting on MSN and AOL to random people. Those were the times called socializing, ’cause you did it with like 5 people on one end of the computer with another 8 on the other. All laughing and hanging and teasing. Talking about absolutely nothing. How calming those times were. This computer in my past was an old one… the beige frame around the monitor that was so bulky the back hung in the air behind the desk that was too small.

My Friends over You-New Found Glory
Hanging out in the park and walking to everywhere we could, as we didn’t own a car back then. The woods near the greek where we smoked our first cigarettes but also the place where a police officer gave the advice to a girl “what are you doing with these people, make something of your life”…. exactly like in a teen drama movie. Who would have thought.

The older mysterious punk guy, who was so slim and cool that everyone wanted to chill/hang out with him. In the weekends hanging out at an abandoned school and going down to the basement and talking drinking and smoking. What else? Homework? Nahhhh didn’t give a S* then.

Rapster top songs

Love me- 50 Cent/Eminem
Driving downtown at night .. during bedtimes… when no one knew the where abouts of the girl that snuck out without even a mouse hearing the creaking of the painted red front door of the colonial cul-de-sac. Who he was? No one knows.. probably an AOL chat buddy that wanted to do some road trip tours. Using the hand brake as a cool trick at 02:00 am without mom knowing where and who and when and.. why? Before we knew it a deer stuck over the road and luckily we didn’t fly off the road. Another day and another night drive was possible again.

Paparazzi- Xzibit
In a bus towards the white mountains with the rest of the class: school trip including skiing and wandering the hotel hallways to sneak to each others room. Losing your ski’s was something else. It had something lonely and alone. The snow was so quiet and the hotel was so grimmy. First fight with friends? Of course.. the cherry on top.

X Gon Giv it To Ya- DMX
Tough girls dance like they don’t care. Want to battle give it all and we’ll see who gets the attention and the respect. YMCA was the playing field for these kind of nights. Pretty Hilarious when you think about it… One of the most lamest places became the most popular hang out to meet everybody. But the only with supervision of course.

Peaches and Cream-112
Twerking wasn’t in back then but we sure knew how to move it and we practiced it in the basements laughing together but also having a type of seriousness in the whole show. We knew what we were doing. Trying things out and experimenting… which also meant finding a massive jar of bees wax to make your hair stand straight up that’s how much strength it had. So we did. Only we couldn’t wash it out. So we walked around for weeks with greasy dirty hair. We didn’t give a F*, ’cause it was awesome and we witnessed it.

Yes, the local movie theaters! Hours of hanging out there and sometimes watching the same movie 3 times. Were we actually watching the movie? It was more flirting, laughing and doing everything that wasn’t allowed. The darkness of the movie theater gave the perfect excuse to do anything because who saw? I think that that is maybe the theme of all these songs.. not being seen or heard but only feeling.

Tell Me-Bobby Valentino
Driving the dark streets to a Seven11 and stopping to get cigarettes and booze for the house party later on. Who were they? No idea but we all hanged and chilled. Walking from room to room and laughing and leaning against anything that would give support and comfort when actually you weren’t traceable.

Hard-Rock top songs

Papercut-Linkin Park
A usual flight trip alone. Just being shipped off back and forth. The only comfort? The CD player and a book. The music represented the hate and frustration within the airplane that was dark and silent with people sleeping. Didn’t anyone hear my yelling? No reaction. Just like on the ground. Only my music understood the thoughts.

Break stuff- Limp Bizkit
Literally the title explained the mood. Throwing stuff messing things up and slamming with doors. How else to communicate than this way? Talking or explaining through words and silence, that never helped anyone. The famous creek and park that was located nearby would be the place to blow off some steam. Walking and meeting up with friends to then hang out somewhere and stall the return to home. Because then we’d have to face it and for now we were lost and gone.

Purple Rain- Prince
Not a song that’s entirely linked to my youth, but gives me chills up and down my spine.A lonely feel of not being heard, while still screaming it out by smiling too much and pretending too much. Who knew the opposite was actually the real feel. Why then smile so absurdly and pretend to have a joker mask? Who ever invented this survival technique wasn’t thinking clearly.

Last Resort- Papa Roach
I think it was at the local high school. No one knew where we were hanging and no one cared. The skateboard was sitting in the middle of the basketball court and the rest was hanging and chilling. Of course the inspiration came up to try it out. Bad move. At least for the tail bone. Today I still feel it and am remembered to that random act of stupidness. Balance and feeling weren’t my strongest points.

Youth of a Nation-POD
The hallways of my middle school were filled with the sounds of this song. The hate and hidden frustration underneath the kids that walked the corridors. Sometimes pure darkness was the only way out because no one else gave a lending hand to pull you out of the darkness. So why not end it alone? As you’re already alone. No there were still to many plus points in life luckily. Friends are family and that has been a notable fact in life. But why still the feeling of missing something?

Old-school top chart

Return to Innocence- Enigma
A big bright sun going under in the Rio Grande in New Mexico. The sand feeling crisp and dusty and a feeling of no worries. The water trickles softly down the river and a happiness takes over. I will become anything I want and I will do anything I want. The indian voices do match the whole setting of Albuquerque. But an addition to this, is the red Cabrio SAB that had the smell of fresh leather and a penetrating Pine tree smelly thing around the mirror.

Mr. Jones-Counting Crows
A car filled with warmth that came through the window. A Caddilac perhaps? It was silver and had beige leather inside. The endless fences overlapping from one to the other. Combining all kinds of materials such as the metal, wood and bricks. A sense of going for a goal and going to something good.

Only Wanna Be With You-Hootie & The Blowfish
Maple syrop and big leafy trees with long ropes with wooden swings hung in them. Overalls were definitely the items to wear and pumpkins filled the scenes with honey sticks made out of straws glued together at the end. A local market with an old pick up truck that had the best smoked fish rapped in freshly pressed newspapers.

I Don’t Want to Wait-Paula Cole
The airport, airplanes, nuts and a plastic glass filled with ice waiting on the coke that was placed next to it. This song was endlessly repeated in the airplane with the built in radio in the arm rest.

Back For Good-Take That
This one was always spinning when I went skating. Afterwards the cracker jacks would be the filling meal for the energy that was used up. Wow I loved to twirl. Now… I can’t even stand on ice or I’ll fall on my face. There goes my youthfully balance. I should try it again. Bob Ross is also coming slowly into the picture, or at least a type of arts and crafts store at the corner of a busy intersection.

Other songs that all give me chills of the past:

Building a Mystery-Sarah McLahlan

Kiss me-Sixpence None the Richer

Two Princes-Spin Doctors

You Gotta Be-Des’ree

All I Wanna Do-Sheryl Crow



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